Perhaps you know what it is like to be there for others a great deal, in your family, at work or as a volunteer, and really it should feel good. People are happy when they contribute to solving their own problems and those of others. And yet at the end of some weeks you feel more empty than fulfilled.
The difference rarely lies in how much you give, but in whether your giving is in balance. This is exactly what the Tao of service is about. I first heard this term from David Joshua Stone.
Serving in the balance of yin and yang
In Taoism, the Tao means the balance of yin and yang. Applied to helping, this means: when your service is in balance, it is fulfilling, joyful and a reflection of the Love that you are. When it falls out of balance, the joy of serving diminishes, and that is exactly when giving starts to feel like being drained.
Service as a spiritual practice
Service is a spiritual practice that is emphasised in all world religions and on most spiritual paths. The life of Jesus Christ is a perfect example. In yoga there is even a dedicated branch, Seva Yoga, the yoga of selfless service.
My spiritual teacher Sathya Sai Baba puts something important into perspective here: service is not first of all about changing the world.
“Do not believe that you can by means of service reform or reshape the world. You may or may not; that does not matter. The real value of service, its most visible result, is that it reforms you, reshapes you.” (Sathya Sai Baba)
Service transforms the one who serves first. That takes a lot of pressure out of helping, because you do not have to save the world in order to make a meaningful difference.
Surrender and efficiency belong together
The teacher Swami Nityananda said: “Go back and do your duty without desire for fruit and without sacrificing efficiency. This is the highest service that you can render!” Both poles of the Tao are contained in this sentence. The yin is surrender, letting go of the ego-will and trusting that something greater works through you. Marianne Williamson writes in “A Return to Love” that when we surrender to God, we surrender to a universe that knows what it is doing. The yang is efficiency, bringing things to completion with focus and care.
The art is both together: surrendered and effective at the same time.
The violinist at Lake Zurich
A small observation from my everyday life. On a walk along Lake Zurich I passed many street musicians who performed for the people passing by, and of course they also received money for it. One violinist played really well, but nobody was listening. On her money box was a sign: “For my first Coco Chanel handbag.” Perhaps it was exactly this note that repelled people. Other musicians simply had a box without a sign, and at concerts just before Christmas, people usually donate large amounts to charities.
People love to give to a good cause. The universe, it seems, supports most strongly the projects that truly want the best for everyone involved.
The Tao of giving and receiving
And one more balance belongs to service: the one between giving and receiving. Giving is the male energy, receiving the female counterpart. If you are always giving, you are not living in the Tao either. Receiving belongs to service too, otherwise the giver would have no one to serve. Often the giver is even grateful to the receiver, because through them he was able to serve.
This balance does not have to arise with the same people. You may receive from different people than the ones you give to, and on entirely different levels. When giving and receiving are balanced, service rejuvenates you instead of exhausting you. You can read more about this balance of feminine and masculine energy in my article Embracing the Feminine.
One more thing matters: the Tao of service is only kept when giver and receiver agree. In other words, you only help if the receiver wants that too.
Become emotionally steady first, then act
To close, one principle that sums up a great deal: it is advisable to be emotionally steady first, before stepping into action. Whoever uses helping to distract themselves from their own problems serves no one in the long run, not even themselves. When you are in a clear state instead, you hear your inner voice before you act, and your effort arrives where it is needed. I describe how to strengthen this inner clarity in my article on connecting with your Higher Self.
Or, as Sai Baba said: “You cannot always oblige, but you can always speak obligingly.” (Sathya Sai Baba, Sathya Sai Speaks, Volume 32)
When your giving has fallen out of balance
Perhaps while reading you sensed that you are currently giving more than you receive, and that an old pattern might lie behind it, for example the early-learned belief that you are only valuable when you help. These are exactly the patterns we look at in my sessions. If you like, let us talk.
Book a free Clarity Call: https://tidycal.com/sandragross/claritycall-en
